THIS IS LOVE.

I don’t think there’s anything I can say here that I haven’t said to you already. But I’d like to say it again in a more articulate manner without the tension of our last talk, with the hope that I might reiterate how truly sorry I am. Mistakes happen in a moment and it takes days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years to make up. I ask you to believe that this mistake of mine did not happen in a moment of malice or competition, but rather a moment of absent-minded selfishness that I’d like to eradicate.

Henry, please don’t ever think of this as being a “me vs. online games” situation because it never has been. If we could turn back the hands of time, I don't know you and you don't know me, and you found a better half, someone who is more capable of understanding you, kahit gaano kahaba ang pang unawa nya, imposibleng hindi masaktan kahit konti dahil walang girlfriend na matutuwa knowing online games is a priority and she only gets not even 1/4 of your time, no matter how much I will try to understand na ito ang buhay mo na dapat kung maunawaan, hindi pwedeng magsinungaling ang damdamin ko, ang sakit-sakit. Don't think that I am owning you at pinagbabawalan kita na gawin ang mga bagay na nakasanayan mo bago mo pa ako nakilala.

Lahat-lahat i-a-adjust ko para sayo, di bale ng bihira na tayo mag usap basta't makapaglaro ka lang tatanggapin ko yun, ang sinasabi ko lang hindi ako immortal at lalong hindi bato na hindi makakaramdam ng lungkot, hindi nasasaktan, because I long for you in every passing day of my life. Ganun naman talaga pag mahal mo ang isang tao, kahit na unfair ako sa sarili ko just to see you happy ay magpapaubaya ako. This is no excuse, but please understand that I’ve never lived this life before, have you ever wondered why I'm here in the Philippines when I know deep down inside mas maganda ang offer sa US, did you believed every bullshit that I've told you na I'm tired of working, na gusto ko magtake ng culinary arts and be a chef kaya ako bumaba dito ng pinas kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko pwede ko naman gawin yun sa US, mas challenging pa and more opportunities, but come to think of it, why did I still insisted of going down here?

If it's a sin to love you, sana ilang libong beses mo rin maisip bakit ikaw pa rin ang pinili ko and I turn down the good offers. I took every single risk just to be with you because it is worth sacrificing for. I can still be the greatest chef that I can ever be kahit na dito ko gawin yon sa pinas, magagawa ko pa rin ang bagay na nakasanayan ko kahit na nasa pinas ako..as long as I'm here to be with you or at least SEE you knowing we're just a few miles apart now.

Now that each time I'm trying to reach out to you at hindi mo ako papansinin, masakit man but I'm trying to understand, I want to believe that your busy, wether it be school or family matters. I pray na sana it is as simple as that.. Kasi alam mo ba pakiramdam ng hindi kinikibo, lalo na pag mahalaga sayo ang tao, it's 10 times the feeling of being tortured, silence is a kind of therapeutic communication but sometimes it turns out to be non-therapeutic, why? Cause in your SILENCE..I feel neglected.

I know that you LOVE me, I see it with pure sincerity. It's the people around you that I don't trust. I once saw one of your post "Love many, trust a few. Do wrong to none. - by shakespeare", if you reflect on it, that alone explains how i feel too. Alam ko hindi moko magagawang lokohin/paglaruan kahit na ganito situation naten (long distance), but just to be honest..I am scared of losing you, loving you is also like giving you my life kaya I'll be damn insane if someone takes you away from me..We seldomly talk dahil busy ka with your games, what if one day sinubok tayo ng Diyos at isang araw magising ako sa katotohanan na wala ka na sa akin? Ayokong mangyari yan because coping with life will never be the same again w/out you in it.

I've asked you before, kapag nagoonline ka ba sa gaia do you ever take some time to look at my page..maybe you did but not recently as I have updated it 2 or 3 months ago, the same time your getting fond of that HS5 kung saan meron kang gf just for the sake of that game. Naintindihan ko yon, nasaktan lang ako when you said na that girl told you she's having other plans, take it to the next level, as I wanted that plan to happen to us on our 1st year anniversary (yun eh kung nakita mo nga laman ng page ko), Sabihin mo ng korni, ang baduy, walang kwenta, pero sana maisip mo na this is where we existed at the moment na malayo tayo sa isa't isa. It's the least that I can do for now, I wish I can play with you thru different games all the time, If your telling me na your trying to keep our communications tight, how does that make me any difference? pag sinabi mong pumunta ka dito, register here, register there, without even thinking twice gagawin ko talaga, di ko na kailangan mag-isip because I know your there waiting.

Alam ko right now di ka na naglalaro sa HS5 dahil iisipin mo na maiinis na naman ako, hindi kita pinagbabawalan, play that game for as much as you want, naging tapat ka sa akin diba? naging tapat lang din ako sayo, wala akong makitang mali na bawal akong masaktan lalo na kung marami ng question mark na nakadikit sa ulo ko. Kung mali ako sa pagpapahalaga na ginagawa ko para sayo, then I am sorry, if I can't be a girlfriend for this kind of problems then I pray na maging understanding friend ako sayo on this matter, maybe that way maintindihan kita. You've once said dapat mainitindihan ko na mas mahalaga sayo ang online games before or after I came into your life. So bear with me as I will try to understand that too.. If talking to me at least once a month ang only time na magagawa mo para sa akin, magpapasalamat pa rin ako because di mo ako nakakalimutan. Maybe... I have to start accepting that fact..maybe God will make me understand your life and my life. Diba nga't nasabi ko minsan, magkaiba ang mundo natin but for some reasons we collide.

Hon..mahal na mahal kita, I am sorry kung naging mabigat ang mga nabitawan kong salita, it's no excuse but you know na naging ganun lang ako because I am so afraid of losing you..kung nasasaktan ako para sa sarili ko mas masakit pag nakikita kong nasasaktan ka, it breaks my heart seriously, hindi ako nakakatulog. I hope dumating yung time na maging okay ka na and you would talk to me, namimiss ko na kasi ang mahal ko. I miss you so much hon..your sweetness, cuddle moments, your green jokes, pang-aasar mo, my ilonggo lessons with you, serious talks about life at marami pang iba.

I love you and again I'm sorry.

I may not be the first one to greet him a happy birthday but I reserved all this to be the last one to tell him how special this day is for me and celebrate his birthday in my own way, first off here's a countdown of my birthday wish for him:

10 -- Since he's starting to hit the gym, i just wish God won't make him MACHO/HUNKY, so that girls won't be attracted to him, no one else! just me! (and i mean it -_-)

9 -- Good health

8 -- More opportunities

7 -- finish school, you know if there's someone i should be proud of, it's definitely JACKAL17, why? not all can manage to work and study at the same time, and I know he's been doing this for quite some time now, and I'm proud of him being independent and all..so yeah.

6 -- Guide IWONCLAN more

5 -- Always be happy

4 -- Peace of Mind, i know your not the warfreak type of person hehe but of course i wish you PEACE and a happy life always.

3 -- May u fulfill your dreams/goals

2 -- LONG LIFE

1 -- (I can't tell you this one, l want to save the best for last) I'm gonna tell you this when the right time comes..

Hun, I wanna thank you for being you.
For being there for me when I thought that I couldn't pull through, for your unconditional love that changed me for my best.
You make me feel that I am one of the lucky persons in this world who is being loved back by someone I also love.

All my life, I have dreamt of a love that is so true.
A love that understands, a love that comforts, and a love that seeks the happiness of the other person.
And im so happy to share that love with you and this time with my eyes wide open.
A love dreamt is now on my reach, and i will never ever let it go.

My love for you is like the air I have to breathe.
Youre my world
and youre my life.

I love you hun, happy 4 months!

I took this shot at 8 in the morning, under the heat of the summer sun. In an infamous neighboring beach.
A lot of people were watching while i was writing this so I speed it up. and the result - my penmanship looked so bad, yeah, but nevertheless, that beach and those number of people witnessed how I so love a person whose name was written on that sand.

I got this offline message today from him while i was away from my computer. That really made my day despite of having a rough day today. Also, someone's trying to play prank on me here hmmm... I'm not sure if it's a "someone" or its just Henry goofing around again. He made a serious prank on our online game called Gaia and announced that he got busted by his boss, that almost ruined my morning. I was cursing him alot and almost smashed the keyboard into pieces, I was like "what the hell was he thinking?" 5 years of hardwork building this community and thats it??? just throw it like an old rug?!! oh c'mon!! And it really hurt me coz it's also like saying "I don't care about Lhen anymore and so with whatever happens to her". I dried my tears outside to get fresh air..I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone so I logged out my YM and just sat on the rocking chair, I was more up to thinking deep. Figuring out what to do, I was torn between deciding wether to call him that morning or just wait for him to call me up to explain. Trying to compose myself but one side of me made me cry even more.."what if he doesn't love me anymore?" (shet di ko yata kaya yon, it will take several years for me to move on)

So while I was on the rocking chair, rocking it like there's no tomorrow! (haha) I realize that it was April 1 (April Fool's Day)!!! And it made me laugh to death, good thing it was just my dog watching me or else someone could have thought I'm a crazy woman..you know the crying then laughing stuff uuuhhh yeah xD.

So there you go, he got me there! And I was right, it's just a prank for April Fools Day, found out when I highlighted his post and saw the hidden Happy April Fools Day! eeehhhh nice hon! -_-

Anyway I named the title cheesy chili fries coz I'm missing the the french fries at Carlos Jr's in California. Hahaha I know it has no connection with what I'm blabbing about here, just thought that I might think of something catchy.

I love you hon.. -kisses all over your face-

My Dearest Henry...honey ko,

Since you came into my life, I've been so happy. The fact that we're a thousand miles apart is not a matter at all because you are always in my heart. when you told me that you love me. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. I am waiting for the days to make our dreams come true. I'll wait for you for a lifetime if you want me to. Do you know why? Because you are the only one who sees me while I am invisible to others. I hope you never quit seeing how much my love for you is true.

I know we don't get to talk much anymore, but that doesn't change the way I feel about you in my heart. Sure I'm lonely, and sometimes I'm overwhelmed with this emptiness in my chest. But honey, I love you, in love with, and everything. That's what gets me through every minute that I'm with out you. And hon, you don't know what I would give to kiss you, hug you, or even just to see you.

Just always remember, our love is the link that holds our two hearts together and if I could put into words how you make me feel when I think of you, and how much you excite me when I hear your goofy but sweet voice (lol), I would be talking forever. You're all that I need and want, Honey. I live for the day that I can sit next to you and whisper into your ear and tell you that I love you. I love to live, to spend a lifetime with you and to grow old with you, loving you for all times from now to eternity. I love u hon..happy 3rd monthsary! mwaaaaaaaaaaaaah *cuddles tummy*

Long distance relationship isn't easy, i was watching a late night show and the topic is eventually about long distance relationship. It's kinda hard for me to accept other people's stories/opinions, which eventually is in the same place where i am now. As i was watching it I couldn't help but cry coz most of the couples from that show told everyone that they didn't survive and that it was just not working for them, i honestly felt scared but like said.. Long distance relationships takes alot of TRUST and EFFORT.. i hate stuffs like this affecting me. hate devil's whisper. I know it can be frustrating at times when you want him the most he's not there. If you want to grab dinner after work/school , you can't just phone him over. If he had a rough day at work, i'm not there to give him a massage. The worst are weekends when you go out with your friends, you had a couple of drinks and you saw your friend hooking up with a cute guy (damn that makes me miss him more).

Oh boy! Just to shed a bit of light on the matter, me and Henry have been together in a LD relationship for about a few months now, he lives in Bacolod and I live in Cavite, i love him so much, it hurts like hell sometimes but what doesnt break you only makes you stronger :)

I don't need to listen to other people's opinion, i'm going to voice out what i feel instead..it's all that matters anyway. When i miss him i just read all of his saved text messages, saved ym chats, look at his picture, view this blog and think about our future.. and it will absolutely make my day..

I don't have trust issues with him, coz i trust him more than anybody else. He's my bestfriend too by the way... It's wayyyyy to far that he's gonna cheat on me, coz i'm telling everyone right now i am so over with this kind of cheat dramas, i don't want this to happen to me, i'm not ready for that kind of situation..

hayyy...henry loves me and i love him, i'll just put that in mind instead. And for everyone out there who's in the same situation as i am.. (LDR) you just have to be STRONG and patient. mahal na mahal ko siya talaga at yun lang bumubuhay sa mundo ko ngayon...............

hello hun, i know you are sick rightnow. T_T
I dunno if its just sort of fever or flue or something serious
but i just want you to rest, take a breathe of fresh air, relax your body and dont think too much.

I know that you know that i always think of you.
I may not always give you a call, nor a text, though we have not chatted lately but my love for you will never stop.
I'm missing you everyday, always longing for your voice, your sweet and kindest words, the way you laugh.

The more I miss you, actually the more i care for you more, and this feeling makes me to be with you even more.

Im currently busy with my personal life, as i am also on search for my inner self.
Just dont forget to smile, enjoy, and live life.
I love you hun, please get well soon.

I think it's been about a week since he started to work and missing him so much is a big pain in the ass (haha)..i freakin miss him like hell, and what saddens me most is when he told me that his phone got f*cked up by missing the charger. No wonder everytime i try to call him up it's the stupid operator telling me that it's either unattended or out of coverage area. Thru out those whole week hindi ako masyadong lumalabas and instead nagkulong na lang sa room and spend the rest of my time sa gaia and starring at my YM, nagbabakasakali na makikita kong online siya. Then last 2 days ago para akong rabbit na nagtatalon sa tuwa when i got a text message from him and told me na ok na raw phone niya and lalo akong natuwa nung tumawag siya..nabuo ang araw ko =)

But I know na he's gonna be busy pa sa darating pa na buwan or taon and i have to get used to it. I understand naman coz trabaho naman pinagkakaabalahan niya, everybody needs to work and pretty much soon i'm going back to school to take Culinary Arts (yeeepeee). Oh..i forgot nag usap din kami ng hon ko sa chat kagabi ..sobra akong happy non pero may iba pa rin akong nararamdaman. I can feel na meron siyang problema or something is probably bothering him kaya kahit na sabihin niya he's ok, parang nahihirapan ako paniwalaan. I dunno that's just me sana mali kutob ko..i'm just worried..

(11 more days <3 ahihihi...) i love you hon and i freakin miss you every minute, every hour, everyday.. take care.. mwaaaaaaaaaah

All relationships are put to the fire. There is no such thing as a constantly happy couple. There is no such thing as a constantly happy relationship. All of us, at one point in our affairs will have to go through a cleansing process which, hopefully, will make us better persons. And I want this relationship to last forever (ooh yes it will!) When Henry came into my life it was completely unexpected...and i know God blessed me now that i have him in my life. Reminiscing last year makes me smile all the time. Naaalala ko pa noon pinagmamasdan ko lang siya from a far, being so curious about him all the time kasi tulala lang siya sa rally, i've asked a few people about him and sabi nga nila "ah siya yung Captain ng IWC guild dito sa gaia" and i was like "oooh..", hindi ako madalas online kasi napaka-busy kong tao, so malaki talaga pasasalamat ko sa bestfriend ko na si Coralie for introducing gaia to me, kasi noon pag nababasa ko YM status nya naka lagay noon "gone fishing" natatawa pa nga ako so in my weeks of curiousity, tinanong ko na siya and told her "the hell! since when did u start to like fishing" and she was like "haha sira online fishing sa gaia", sa isip isip ko "WTF? what's gaia?" and she gave me the website. Nag-enjoy ako playing ang dressing up the avatars..months and months after dun ko na nakilala si Henry and the rest is history..

Thankful ako dahil naging staff ako sa guild kasi kung hindi dahil don hindi siguro kami magiging ganito ka-close, but kung papaaminin ako? haha! kahit hindi ako staff, noon pa man gusto ko na siya and i will do everything talaga para magkalapit kami. Pero siguro nga it was God's will kaya kami andito ngayon sharing a beautiful love together and let the world know how happy we are. Pag may nagtatanong nga sa akin ngayon "Why do u love him" isang malaking ngiti lang sinasagot ko. Kung alam lang nila, Henry is the type of person na kahit hindi ka naman kinakausap maiinspired ka pa rin. Maybe because sobra akong proud sa kanya, building a community to have multiple of friends is truly amazing. And i bet everyone surrounded by him is sooo proud of him too.

Kaya I know I'm not going to have a problem with him if one day we talk about the future, and think about building a family, kasi ngayon pa lang alam ko he's gonna be a good father and a loving husband, it shows naman, I'm the luckiest woman dahil finally after so many years of being alone I found someone who cares for me, someone who thinks i'm Special, someone who treats me right, someone I can always count on, and someone who will never get tired of understanding me..hayyyzzz..It's just so nice to have someone you know who will always be there for you and will make you feel like your the most important person in their lives. And i'm so blessed and thankful na ako yung babaeng yon. I can't wait to be with him and just stay in one peaceful place and talk about life, our future, kids, what's best for the philippines, play games with him, watch movies together, save up money for worthwhile purposes/future. To you honey: Thanks for making me the HAPPIEST person. I love you so much hon..