THIS IS LOVE.

I don’t think there’s anything I can say here that I haven’t said to you already. But I’d like to say it again in a more articulate manner without the tension of our last talk, with the hope that I might reiterate how truly sorry I am. Mistakes happen in a moment and it takes days, weeks, months, and sometimes even years to make up. I ask you to believe that this mistake of mine did not happen in a moment of malice or competition, but rather a moment of absent-minded selfishness that I’d like to eradicate.

Henry, please don’t ever think of this as being a “me vs. online games” situation because it never has been. If we could turn back the hands of time, I don't know you and you don't know me, and you found a better half, someone who is more capable of understanding you, kahit gaano kahaba ang pang unawa nya, imposibleng hindi masaktan kahit konti dahil walang girlfriend na matutuwa knowing online games is a priority and she only gets not even 1/4 of your time, no matter how much I will try to understand na ito ang buhay mo na dapat kung maunawaan, hindi pwedeng magsinungaling ang damdamin ko, ang sakit-sakit. Don't think that I am owning you at pinagbabawalan kita na gawin ang mga bagay na nakasanayan mo bago mo pa ako nakilala.

Lahat-lahat i-a-adjust ko para sayo, di bale ng bihira na tayo mag usap basta't makapaglaro ka lang tatanggapin ko yun, ang sinasabi ko lang hindi ako immortal at lalong hindi bato na hindi makakaramdam ng lungkot, hindi nasasaktan, because I long for you in every passing day of my life. Ganun naman talaga pag mahal mo ang isang tao, kahit na unfair ako sa sarili ko just to see you happy ay magpapaubaya ako. This is no excuse, but please understand that I’ve never lived this life before, have you ever wondered why I'm here in the Philippines when I know deep down inside mas maganda ang offer sa US, did you believed every bullshit that I've told you na I'm tired of working, na gusto ko magtake ng culinary arts and be a chef kaya ako bumaba dito ng pinas kahit na alam ko sa sarili ko pwede ko naman gawin yun sa US, mas challenging pa and more opportunities, but come to think of it, why did I still insisted of going down here?

If it's a sin to love you, sana ilang libong beses mo rin maisip bakit ikaw pa rin ang pinili ko and I turn down the good offers. I took every single risk just to be with you because it is worth sacrificing for. I can still be the greatest chef that I can ever be kahit na dito ko gawin yon sa pinas, magagawa ko pa rin ang bagay na nakasanayan ko kahit na nasa pinas ako..as long as I'm here to be with you or at least SEE you knowing we're just a few miles apart now.

Now that each time I'm trying to reach out to you at hindi mo ako papansinin, masakit man but I'm trying to understand, I want to believe that your busy, wether it be school or family matters. I pray na sana it is as simple as that.. Kasi alam mo ba pakiramdam ng hindi kinikibo, lalo na pag mahalaga sayo ang tao, it's 10 times the feeling of being tortured, silence is a kind of therapeutic communication but sometimes it turns out to be non-therapeutic, why? Cause in your SILENCE..I feel neglected.

I know that you LOVE me, I see it with pure sincerity. It's the people around you that I don't trust. I once saw one of your post "Love many, trust a few. Do wrong to none. - by shakespeare", if you reflect on it, that alone explains how i feel too. Alam ko hindi moko magagawang lokohin/paglaruan kahit na ganito situation naten (long distance), but just to be honest..I am scared of losing you, loving you is also like giving you my life kaya I'll be damn insane if someone takes you away from me..We seldomly talk dahil busy ka with your games, what if one day sinubok tayo ng Diyos at isang araw magising ako sa katotohanan na wala ka na sa akin? Ayokong mangyari yan because coping with life will never be the same again w/out you in it.

I've asked you before, kapag nagoonline ka ba sa gaia do you ever take some time to look at my page..maybe you did but not recently as I have updated it 2 or 3 months ago, the same time your getting fond of that HS5 kung saan meron kang gf just for the sake of that game. Naintindihan ko yon, nasaktan lang ako when you said na that girl told you she's having other plans, take it to the next level, as I wanted that plan to happen to us on our 1st year anniversary (yun eh kung nakita mo nga laman ng page ko), Sabihin mo ng korni, ang baduy, walang kwenta, pero sana maisip mo na this is where we existed at the moment na malayo tayo sa isa't isa. It's the least that I can do for now, I wish I can play with you thru different games all the time, If your telling me na your trying to keep our communications tight, how does that make me any difference? pag sinabi mong pumunta ka dito, register here, register there, without even thinking twice gagawin ko talaga, di ko na kailangan mag-isip because I know your there waiting.

Alam ko right now di ka na naglalaro sa HS5 dahil iisipin mo na maiinis na naman ako, hindi kita pinagbabawalan, play that game for as much as you want, naging tapat ka sa akin diba? naging tapat lang din ako sayo, wala akong makitang mali na bawal akong masaktan lalo na kung marami ng question mark na nakadikit sa ulo ko. Kung mali ako sa pagpapahalaga na ginagawa ko para sayo, then I am sorry, if I can't be a girlfriend for this kind of problems then I pray na maging understanding friend ako sayo on this matter, maybe that way maintindihan kita. You've once said dapat mainitindihan ko na mas mahalaga sayo ang online games before or after I came into your life. So bear with me as I will try to understand that too.. If talking to me at least once a month ang only time na magagawa mo para sa akin, magpapasalamat pa rin ako because di mo ako nakakalimutan. Maybe... I have to start accepting that fact..maybe God will make me understand your life and my life. Diba nga't nasabi ko minsan, magkaiba ang mundo natin but for some reasons we collide.

Hon..mahal na mahal kita, I am sorry kung naging mabigat ang mga nabitawan kong salita, it's no excuse but you know na naging ganun lang ako because I am so afraid of losing you..kung nasasaktan ako para sa sarili ko mas masakit pag nakikita kong nasasaktan ka, it breaks my heart seriously, hindi ako nakakatulog. I hope dumating yung time na maging okay ka na and you would talk to me, namimiss ko na kasi ang mahal ko. I miss you so much hon..your sweetness, cuddle moments, your green jokes, pang-aasar mo, my ilonggo lessons with you, serious talks about life at marami pang iba.

I love you and again I'm sorry.